Cause And Cure
by StitchAndRepair
Summary: It took almost three years from the moment Ian walked out of the Milkovich household for him to end up right back there.


It took Ian three minutes to make it from Mickey's bedroom to the end of the alleyway down the side of the Milkovich house and another five before the contents of his stomach had finished emptying themselves on the floor by his feet.

It took Ian one week to pluck up the courage to tell Lip what had happened between him and Mickey, about his scuppered plans to leave for the army with a stolen I.D.

Lip had laughed at him and called him an idiot and apologised for how shitty he was feeling. Lip had told him to get over Mickey by getting under as many people as he could.

It took Ian two months and three guys to realise that he wasn't supposed to hold them tight enough to bruise, he wasn't supposed to dig his fingernails enough to puncture skin. Two months and three guys was when Ian learned he wasn't supposed to love them enough to hurt them.

It took Ian five months to learn that he hadn't been ripped wide open from the hurt with Mickey, but was just slowly coming apart at the seams. He learned that it took 5 shots of neat tequila for his head to spin and another two for the seams to close up. He stitched himself up, just for the night, with the feel of alcohol in his veins and his hands pressed into someone else's skin.

It took Ian nine months before he found himself laughing so genuinely and so loud that his cheeks hurt. Tears fell from his eyes and his chest tightened with the unfamiliar feeling bubbling it's way up his throat and spilling from his mouth.

It took Ian a year to be able to walk back into the Kash 'n' Grab. It only took two minutes for the weight of all the memories that flooded his mind to drown him and unravel all the progress he had made. He walked, practically ran from the shop and hid in the alley, gulping down big panicked breaths until he was calm and his mind no longer fogged with memories of Mickey and what they had once been.

It took eighteen months for Ian not to flinch when people said certain words or laughed just a little too menacingly. Every now and again he still found his hands clenching into tight fists when he hears someone bite out a curse under their breath or laugh loudly and un-selfconsciously at something that shouldn't have been funny.

It took almost two years for Ian to stop fucking other guys and consider actually dating someone properly. He met a guy in his sports science class at college and they fucked before they knew each other's names. They bonded over similar interests and were intrigued by their different backgrounds. Ryan was from the border of the North Side, he grew up comfortable and with parents that loved him, adored him and worked hard to give him what he desired. He got off on the way Ian laughed at things that shouldn't have been funny, his relaxed morals and attitude to life - the same things that once attracted Ian to Mickey. He pressed his lips to Ian's cheek with every goodbye and it took Ian weeks to remember not to flinch, even as the gentle touch burned at his skin for hours after Ryan had gone.

It took seven months for the relationship to fall through. It took seven months of arguments, of Ian dropping Ryan's hand in public and pulling his head away from soft kisses. It took seven months of Ian pushing away someone he had the potential to love for Ian to realise that he no longer had the ability to love someone, not like he once had.

It took two and a half months of half-hearted apologies and arguments that turned from fights to fucks and fucks to fights before Ian stopped lying to himself and let Ryan go.

It took another six weeks for Ian to pluck up the courage to walk back into the Milkovich household and stand in the room that he left all them years ago, for what he had promised himself was the last time.

Mickey's wife was long gone judging by the state of his bedroom. Beer cans and well worn clothes littered the floor and the stench of weed and meth hung in the air, practically tangible.  
Mickey swore and cursed at Ian and Ian didn't flinch, didn't even falter, he swore and cursed right back. They fought and yelled and everything spilled from them, anger, pain, truth, honesty. They were both fighting for breath when the hits to their skin became gropes and their anger was overtaken by their need for each other, for all the moments they could've shared, for all the moments that they _had_ shared and lost.

Ian pushed his lips against Mickey's and found Mickey's mouth open, waiting. His tongue ran over Ian's before he pulled them both down onto the bed - their bodies touching, their hands searching, wandering, tracing the paths of the only other body that they knew aswell as their own. Ian found himself smiling, finally stitched properly back together. He thought of this room and how things started and ended here. This time was exactly like the very first time, except now there were feelings involved, too many feelings. and this time it was going to have a different ending.

Because Ian had lived without Mickey, had tried to make his life work without him, but the pieces never seemed to fit. Not properly. Not like how Ian wanted.

It took almost three years from the moment Ian walked out of the Milkovich household for him to end up right back there.

It took Ian three years to realise that Mickey may be the cause of all his heartache, but he just may be the cure too.


End file.
